your parents love me but you hate me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
