He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
