how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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