How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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