I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
