Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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