I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
