I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
