I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
