i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
