We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
