How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
