how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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