wat bout pragnant strippers??
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
