Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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