Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
