Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She bit a glass in half.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
