if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
