I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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