I am puke
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
