i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
