im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
