Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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