We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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