So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
