Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
