These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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