I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
