You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
