would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
