You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
