i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
