Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
how does that bad decision feel?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
