I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
