You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
