Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
