I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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