dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
