We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well I just put wine in my tea
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
