He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
