Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
