I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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