i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
