Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
