Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Let's get the cat blown out
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
