I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
