In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
