...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
