I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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