just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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